In an ideal world, all relationships would involve total partnerships.
What I mean by this is that both partners would totally give up their old lives and live solely for the partnership.
The classic definition of a relationship is that both partners give up their old selves and get their new identity from the relationship.
It’s as if a new identity was born once two people decide to get into a relationship.
There’s a lot to recommend this ideal. When your loyalty is not to each other per se but to your relationship, it is easier to stick around when things get rough.
Through illness, financial hard times, bad fights, and all sorts of drama, you find the resolve to stay in the relationship because you’re drawing your power from the relationship and not just your partner.
You do things out of duty. This is a higher form of love. It isn’t rooted in a feeling.
Instead, your relationship rests on a solid foundation of principle.
You draw power from your relationship and your relationship moves both of you forward. This is the ideal.
Of course, almost all this isn’t possible in this day and age. After all, we live in the real world.
The real world is complicated. The real world throws lots and lots of curve balls at your relationship.
Also, things aren’t often black and white in the real world. You’ll notice that there lots of gray areas out there.
In many cases, this ideal view of a relationship is not even practical. Why?
People get into relationships with the wrong people all the time.
If you were to completely surrender your old self for your relationship, you might end up investing in the wrong relationship.
You might end up being shackled to the wrong person. Not surprisingly, you can get hurt a lot.
This reality plays a big role in how Aquarius people view their role in their relationships. More specifically, this analysis impacts how much focus they should put on their relationship as opposed to themselves.
Aquarius people tend to be self-absorbed. They tend to focus a lot on their needs.
This is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, with the proper limits, this can actually be quite beneficial to your relationship. Here are the reasons why.
You Can Only Give What You Have
Relationships are all about giving and taking. They are two-way streets.
However, if you don’t have much to give, you can easily run out of stuff to give away.
You run out of emotional goodies you can invest in your relationships.
You have to make sure you replenish your store of emotional goodies. Otherwise, your relationship becomes imbalanced because you’re taking and taking without giving anything back.
By allowing the Aquarius partner to focus on himself/herself, the Aquarius partner feels replenished. The Aquarius partner gets emotionally recharged.
This “me time” enables the Aquarius to give the relationship what it deserves. If the non-Aquarius partner insists that the Aquarius partner focus on the relationship, this can be a deal killer.
As I have mentioned, you can only give what you have.
If your partner doesn’t allow you to build up the stock of stuff that you’re going to give away, you’re left with nothing.
You have nothing for yourself, and you have nothing for your partner.
You Can’t Love Others If You Don’t Love Yourself First
Focusing on yourself is a key element of self-love. It would be a better world if people learned how to love themselves better.
Loving yourself has nothing to do with being selfish. Loving yourself has nothing to do with being self-absorbed and self-centered.
Loving yourself is a key part of proper self-care. It lays the foundation for a healthy self-esteem. It is a requirement for self-worth.
Unfortunately, many people think that if you’re in a relationship, you no longer have the right to love yourself.
You can love your partner, but you can’t love yourself. Otherwise, it’s seen as a threat to the relationship. It’s seen as holding back.
Your partner would see it as a form of emotional selfishness.
The truth is that for you to be a better lover of others, you have to know how to love yourself first.
This requires focus. This requires time and emotional resources.
You have to explain this to your non-Aquarius partner. Otherwise, your relationship will be in trouble.
The Right Kind of Self-Focus
In the previous sections, I’ve been talking about why it’s a good idea for Aquarius people to focus on themselves.
I wasn’t, in any way, excusing self-absorption. I am not, in any way, justifying selfishness.
What I’m getting at is that this self-focus must be the right kind of self-focus. Self-focus must be guided by the right motivations.
In criminal law, your action is only a crime if it is accompanied with a certain guilty mindset.
In other words, you intended to commit a crime. You intended to do wrong. This should be an analysis for self-focus in relationships.
When you’re focusing on yourself and you have the right intentions, this is the right kind of self-focus.
What are the right intentions?
You focus on yourself because you want to grow the relationship. You focus on yourself so you can grow as a person, and thereby enrich your relationship.
In other words, your focus on yourself doesn’t end with you.
The final beneficiary is your relationship. It’s crucial to keep this distinction in mind.
Selfishness Is All About Your Motivation
Selfishness, on the other hand, focuses only on the self. The self is the final object of selfishness.
It’s all about my needs, my wants, and what’s good for me.
This type of thinking is the complete opposite of the right self-focus. The right self-focus is loyal to the relationship. Selfishness’ primary loyalty is the self.
I hope you see the difference. Aquarius can focus on themselves and still be in a relationship.
Best of all, it can still be a healthy relationship.