I hate to break this to you, but the whole idea of a soul mate is very easy to misunderstand.
Now, do not get me wrong. I am not saying that no such thing exists. All I am saying is that it is often misunderstood.
A lot of people define a soul mate as this mystical figure that would somehow make you happy.
It is as if this person has everything that you are missing and by simply having that person in your life, you become this completely happy, fulfilled, and content individual.
As you can probably already know, this idealization of the soul mate can only lead to all sorts of disappointment.
The truth is that there is only one person in the world that will make you happy, and that person spells his or her name this way: Y-O-U.
That is right. You are responsible for your happiness.
Happiness is not some sort of product that you buy at a store and that you unpack at home. It is not some sort of product to be consumed.
Instead, happiness is something that you achieve on your own. Other people might help you and contribute to it, but at the end of the day, it is a personal imposition of will and personal act of discovery.
Any other definition of happiness simply fails.
The moment you place your happiness in the hands of somebody else, you are setting yourself up for unhappiness, disappointment, and depression.
That is how it works.
The same applies to the whole concept of a soul mate. A soul mate really is a gateway to you discovering your inner capacity for happiness.
In other words, this person is not the source of your happiness, but is a catalyst.
I need to get that out of the way. Otherwise, it is very easy to come up with all sorts of conceptions of a soul mate that are unproductive and often destructive.
Step # 1: Do some growing up
If you want to find your soul mate, you have to be mature and emotionally all there.
Unfortunately, a lot of women look at the whole concept of a soul mate as some sort of knight in shining armor. It is this person, with all these missing elements, that would make the Virgo woman happy.
That does not exist. What you are looking for is a unicorn. If that is how you define a soul mate.
Real soul mates only materialize if you are at the right place in your life.
This means that you have to grow up, forgive a lot of hang ups from your past, and look at people in a realistic light.
In other words, you have to step up as far as your emotional adulthood is concerned.
If you are going to look at and define your soul mate as this knight in shining armor or this Romeo, you are simply just setting yourself up for a crushing emotional defeat.
You should not even go there.
Step # 2: Question your assumptions
The next step is to question your definition of a soul mate. You would realize that a lot of those definitions were simply inherited from when you were a little girl.
A lot of those assumptions can be traced to earlier levels of immaturity and emotional infancy.
To put simply, a lot of those assumptions are impractical and even harmful at this present time.
You need to get rid of them or at the very least, transform them into something more workable and realistic.
Step # 3: Shake up your expectations
It is very hard to be unhappy if you have the right expectations. I do not care what situation you are going into.
If you have the right expectations, you will always come out a winner.
You have to understand that people become unhappy because they allow themselves to become unhappy and put themselves in a position where their hopes are dashed and their dreams are shattered.
With the right expectations, you do not put yourself in that position and always come out ahead.
This is extremely important when you are looking for your soul mate because if you have the wrong expectations, you are only setting yourself up for emotional failure, heartache, disappointment, and discouragement.
The best way to do this, of course, is to honestly look at your current expectations and change them. Shake them up. Mix things up.
Factor in the things that you already know about human nature and have that reflected in your expectations of Mr. Right.
You would be surprised as to how mature your view of a soul mate can be when you simply shake up your expectations.
Step # 4: Believe in the power of the moment
A part of the reason why most people have a tough time becoming happy is that they never live in the moment. They always look at happiness as some sort of fixed state in the future.
If this is how you define happiness, then I am sorry to break it to you, but you will always be unhappy. Why?
Happiness is always in the future for you.
If you want to be happy and content, you have to understand and realize that happiness is happening now. Not in the future, nor in the past, but now.
If you believe in the power of the moment, then you will be able to recognize your soul mate when that person appears.
You would be able to appreciate that person and be happy in the moment.
Step # 5: Appreciate people based on their merits, not your ideals
You would be surprised as to how many pimples or warts Mr. Right will have when he finally appears.
You would be surprised as to how many emotional hang ups he has when he finally enters your life and how many failures he has suffered in the past when he finally makes it into your neck of the woods.
The truth is that if you are able to see Mr. Right in this light, then you can experience him.
If you are able to appreciate people based on who they really are, warts and all, then you can truly appreciate people.
Unfortunately, if you constantly filter people based on your ideals and how things should be, you cheat yourself of truly knowing them.
You only end up conversing with cartoons and caricatures of those people instead of who they really are.
Unfortunately, your soul mate will not appear if you are conversing with your ideals.
Why? Your ideals do not matter and are based on standards of perfection. We live in an imperfect world and simply looking for perfect people who meet these ideals is an exercise in futility.
You are dealing with things that ultimately do not exist.